I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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