Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
