I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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