Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
