I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
