My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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