so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
