I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize