He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
