I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
