Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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