When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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