I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
