so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
