I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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