I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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