so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
