You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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