meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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