my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
