so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
