He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
