No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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