How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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