I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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