at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
