history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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