Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
