I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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