I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
