so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
