She's JV to your varsity
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
