I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
