i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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