I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
