I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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