He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
