I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
