i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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