No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
