We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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