I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am spending my child support on dildos
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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