I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
