I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He better not be in your backpack
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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