: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not cheating when I paid for it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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