you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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