Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
