What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
