She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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