guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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