i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I puked a lego.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
