Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize