imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your penis caused this!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
