Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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