I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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