just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
