the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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