Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
